Top 5 Blue People in Movies

There just aren't enough lists about the best blue people in movies, and I thought I would do my very best to change this. Of course, there will be lots and lots and lots of blue people I have missed out. 'Green' has always been the skin colour of aliens and otherly things - and blue is very much the new green.

In fact, looking at the list, it is interesting to see how many blue characters in the movies are (a) marginalised and (b) excellent jazz musicians. One can't helping feeling that 'blue' might be used to represent 'black' in sci-fi movies. Same stereotypes, different colour.

1. The blue monster in MONSTERS INC

He's not really a person, he's a monster. But they spent ages on the CGI of his fur and his fur is really lovely and fluffy and blue.

2. The blue meanies in YELLOW SUBMARINE

Remember them? They were an army of music-hating creatures who were terribly, terribly mean. Who could hate music? But they're beaten by the Beatles and the ones that don't run away and up staying to be lovely happy music-loving blue people in Pepperland.

3. The blue singer in 5TH ELEMENT

No-one could forget this lovely blue lady, she of the tentacled head and powerful pipes. After a nice alien classic rendition of something alien she goes into a manic musical episode which blows you away the first time you hear it. Some people hate this movie - I love it as an example of Luc Besson's stronger excesses. Also, this alien singer has blue blood, which takes it to another level.

4. The blue people in AVATAR

Oh. My. God. Never mind the whole 'Pocahontas in Space' debate, valid though it is. These people are SO BLUE.

5. Max Rebo - blue musician in STAR WARS

Max Rebo, whose real name was Siiruulian Phantele, was a popular musician and head member of the Max Rebo Band. He was there before AVATAR. He is the best and the bluest of all.

The band in the Cantina, Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes, were probably the best musicians in STAR WARS. But they were not blue.

Conan 2011 - Feeling pillaged as we speak.

Sometimes pictures speak a thousand words. After the CGI teaser trailer for Conan 2011 (just him and a bit of smoke, really) we finally have the official trailer, like.

The best/worst thing I can think of to say about Conan 2011 so far is that Conan appears to hit a HORSE. In the FACE. With a CHAIN.

I guess he needed to hear the lamentation of its mares...

Celebrate the last Harry Potter film with the spells that Harry never got to learn...

I woke up this morning with (a) a hangover and (b) an urge to celebrate the imminent release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with some brand new spells. With the aid of a handy online english to latin translator, I found some of the spells that Harry Potter never got round to using.

Ostendo sum verum!

The spell's purpose is to 'Reveal intentions'. Ooh, a very nasty spell, this, and not to be used lightly. Best not used at all, to be honest. Definitely one of the 'unforgivable spells' like Imperius and Cruciatus. Harry Potter would never be caught dead throwing out an Ostendo sum verum, and neither (I hope) would Ron Weasley's brother in the Ministry of Magic (although I hear there is a chamber in the Ministry's lowest depths where evil robed Slytherin types do use it on those destined for Azkaban...)

Expecto phasmatis!

Yay! If you ever really, really wanted to, you could call up your own ghost. Hurrah! You need to learn a gajillion other spells to figure out what you should do with it.

Verto laganum!

This is probably the best spell in the history of all mankind. Ever. Make sure you're careful about where you're pointing your wand when you say it. It... ta-da... transforms an object into cake.

You could turn everything... anything... into cake.

This spell is irreversible. Be pretty sure you're in need of cake before you give it a try.

And no, you can't decide what sort of cake. Here's hoping you're pretty fond of Victoria Sponge.

Gingiber!

Translates as... 'ginger'! I'm very pro-ginger, as is most of the non-muggle kingdom, which is why this spell is not listed as one of the unforgiveable spells. The Weasley family were the subject of a misfired 'Gingiber!' a few generations back, and it hasn't done them any harm.

What other spells do you reckon Harry Potter used? Simply say the word, and with the aid of my huge knowledge of near-extinct languages and the Dark Arts (okay, online translator) I shall be happy to locate the spell of your choice.

Yay!

Hollywood Haikus - Wake Wood

Wake Wood

Pet Sematary
and The Wicker Man. Seen em?
Then you've seen Wake Wood.

This is an entry for the Best For Film Hollywood Haikus blogging competition. Enter now.

B-movie silliness: DINOSHARK vs. NORWEGIAN NINJA

The party line is that I love B-Movies. The unofficial truth is that I love them... with reservation. It's getting harder to relate to them in the post-Buffy world of knowing meta-movie content.

Yes, it's great to be aware of your genre's heritage as a director. But B-movies were - as far as I can tell - three fifths enthusiasm, one fifth 'good lord, we've managed to secure ourselves a camera and a parking lot / quarry location' and one fifth script/cinematography/talent. That last fifth being the smallest, not all things being equal.

Now, B-movies can be a bit too knowing for their own good. Watching a modern, knowing B-movie can make you feel a little compromised, as all the elements are there except for the most important three fifths: genuinely artless enthusiasm.

I've recently watched two movies that you could probably affix a 'B' to: DINOSHARK and NORWEGIAN NINJA. Let battle commence...

DINOSHARK is one of those daft films that throws two unlikely creatures together and builds a monster movie out of it. That's it. That's the whole concept. Two words, several prosthetics, one joke.

It's worth noting that the guy who did DINOSHARK also did DINOCROC. He's found a vein of dino-related inspiration and he's going to mine it for all it's worth. Dino...Dog? Dino...Clerk? The possibilities are limitless.

Full of random attacks, the movie only builds pace and interest as it sets up the final scene (an impeding attack on beach volleyball contest, natch). I watched it with one eye on the clock but still derived secret pleasure from the prospect of a shark with a raptor's head leaping 100ft in the air to eat a parasailer.



Watch 'Norwegian Ninja' trailer

If you want an OUTSTANDING B-movie that's aware of itself and smart enough to work that to its advantage, I recommend NORWEGIAN NINJA. The link points to my review of it, and it's considerably better than its mozarella-laden name implies.

Is it referential? Oh, definitely. Just look at that painted - PAINTED - movie poster! NORWEGIAN NINJA has references aplenty, but is more than the sum of its pilfered parts.

Oddly, it covers the true story of the defection of a Norwegian diplomat during the Cold War era, as seen through the eyes of a guy who was a child at the time and grew up on a diet of ninja films and computer games. Filmed in seventiesvision with a plethora of dry, perfectly pitched jokes and that wonderfully slow and irreverent scandinavian approach to humour and timing, the film has somehow convinced me that the world of scandinavian politics is endearing. And has special ninja moves.

Lots of lovely DVD competitions - including Studio Ghibli

Every time I mention Japan I can't help but think of their terrible plight. Friends in Tokyo say that the country is decimated - even in cities like Tokyo which weren't officially affected.

Focusing on the positives, I'm a sucker for Japanese culture. From creative cosplay and the warm stickiness of sushi to the extraordinary anime industry (and Japanese horror, which I'm a big fan of), Japanese culture has massively enriched Western consumption. In a good way. A wonderful way.

Although Bestforfilm.com does DVD competitions pretty much every day (sadly, usually only region 2 and therefore of not much use to US film bloggers) there are currently two nice Europe-only Studio Ghibli comps going that I thought were worth a mention:


WIN: LAPUTA – CASTLE IN THE SKY on Double Play x 3!

Director Miyazaki creates truly amazing worlds that make you see with a child's eyes again. Addictively beautiful and beautifully addictive.

WIN: MY NEIGHBOURS THE YAMADAS on Double Play x 3!

It's not by Miyazaki (Spirited Away) who is the most famous Ghibli director, but it's a charming look at a very quirky family. Pretty, family-friendly and uplifting.

Frank Capra - You can't take it with you

I always shied away from watching IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE because everyone said it was too schmaltzy. So the first Frank Capra film I've ever watched, therefore, is YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU - a warm, fun version of Romeo and Juliet where a non-materialist eccentric family is conjoined with a banking dynasty through the love of their children.

I must say - it's brilliant. I now have a major crush on the sleepy-voiced young James Stewart. The eccentricities of the family are adorable, genuinely subversive and stand the test of time.

The wit and farce in this movie are sublime - maybe not entirely modern, but well-crafted and had me in stitches more times than when I watched DUE DATE - which, to be fair, I also enjoyed.

This movie dragged its heels a bit when Capra felt he needed to say something about the collapse of Wall Street and the Great Depression. The social comment was already there in the comedy premise, and leaving out the bankers' collapse could have knocked at least 15 minutes off a two hour movie that didn't need the padding.

Having said that, at the time of release the bits that felt slow and messy to me would have felt cathartic to the audience. So get hot, Mister Capra - you're a good egg!

WRITE CHRISTMAS - Callling all film bloggers

Are you a LAMB member? When you enter, say you're a LAMB member and include your blog's url - we will link to your blog from your entry. Happy Christmas to LAMB xxx

BEST FOR FILM LAUNCHES CHRISTMAS WRITING COMPETITION
Looking for a creative project over the festive season? Film website bestforfilm.com are excited to announce the launch of “Write Christmas”; a yuletide writing competition with a once in a lifetime first prize. Read on for more details…

ENTER THE COMPETITION
The concept of Write Christmas is simple – to write a film review of the greatest Christmas film never made. With Hollywood churning out the same old Christmas tat every year it’s difficult to see how we’ll ever get a truly brilliant NEW Christmas story on our screens. Best For Film are looking for fantastic writers to review the NEXT greatest, most ridiculous, potentially iconic Christmas film – the fact that it doesn’t actually exist yet is merely a quibble.

The PRIZES
First Prize:
- A real-life A1 poster of your made-up movie as imagined by OTM Entertain, the world-famous design team that brought you the posters for The Hurt Locker, In The Loop, Splice and The Losers. Blimey!
- One hundred pounds to spend as you deem fit
- Publication on bestforfilm.com
Two runners up will receive:
- fifty pounds each
- Publication on bestforfilm.com

THE DETAILS
The competition will be judged by our panel of experts:
LARUSHKA IVAN-ZADEH – Film editor of The Metro (3.5 million readers every weekday)
EMMA KENNEDY – actress (Notes on a Scandal), author, film critic for the Danny Baker show
CLEOLINDA JONES – parody film critic, author, blogger (Movies In Fifteen Minutes)

You have until the 24th December to enter, by emailing your glorious review to info@bestforfilm.com, with “Write Christmas” in the subject line.
Interested? Learn more about the judging details on the official website – http://bestforfilm.com/community/write-christmas-competition/

So, from a sombre review of Tim Burton’s unmade fantasy “Twas the Cheekbone before Christmas” to a brilliant write-up of Michael Bay’s imaginary classic “When Santa Exploded” – Best For Film wants to read the review of the best Christmas film we’ll never get to see. You’ve got until the 24th to get scribbling – the same deadline as Santa? How could it be any other way…

Attached are some promo images - for more information or more pictures, please contact Natasha Hodgson at info@bestforfilm.com

Films coming out in 2011

I can't believe it. My last post was in... September. Wow. Time flies when you're doing too much work to be having fun!

Anyway, this caught my eye - the top 20 films coming out in 2011. I've been excited by Sucker Punch for a little while...

EDIT: What was I thinking? Sucker Punch. Oh dear.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Rain has kept me away from the blog and in the confines of the pub / living room sofa. That does mean I've been watching lots of films, though!

I thoroughly enjoyed the Swedish original of GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO. I read the book and quite liked it - thrillers aren't my thing, but I appreciated it was well-written and complex. And I'm a huge fan of Scandinavian fiction (Miss Smilla's Feeling For Snow) and film (KINGDOM, LET THE RIGHT ONE IN). Scandinavian stuff seems to have this wonderful slow yet gripping pacing. And everything is so dour, with a doleful, mournful beauty.

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATOO was yet another example of marvellous Scandinavian cinema. Sweden is beautiful. The actors look like real people. The pacing had a fantastically slow build.

The controversial scenes - most of them involving Lisbeth's violent reactions to authority, and the scene where she is sexually exploited - and her glorious revenge - were beautifully realised and handled.

Also, this was a great example of a film that knows the difference between films and books. It left out plot and some characterisation. It speeded up events, and treated the detective process a little differently. The end result? I barely noticed the difference, because it left out the RIGHT things, and tightened the characters. It felt like a film that didn't have to rush because it had given itself room to move.

A big thumbs up from me!

I did have about three people in the video rental shop warn me it was a foreign film, though. With subtitles.

It's okay, folks. I LOVE subtitles! And in a film with spread-out pacing like this, you actually get the time to read them :)

The Black Swan trailer (by the creator of Requiem For A Dream)

Oh, I love this man. Watch this Black Swan trailer and find out why unless you've seen his work already.

My lovely work colleague wrote the article and I think she is quite right. With Darren Aaronofsky it is indeed about the "beautiful visuals, haunting storylines and dark morality".

What would make the perfect private cinema?

Okay, I would like...

A big round stone hut. At the back of a big garden.

A sign in front of the hut with those black letters you re-assemble to say the name of the film. You have to climb up a small ladder to update the sign.

A small tree-lined avenue lit with fairy lights to reach it.

Red carpet? You betcha! Only on premiere nights though :)

Missmatched bucket seats and sofa so people can drag them where they need them

Usherette with a tray of snacks. Essential. She must shine a light in the face of people talking once the film has started. Talking is allowed during trailers so long as you keep your voice down - not everyone thinks you're funny.

No ads. NO ADS!

All films come with a short pre-feature to build antication

Occasional film festivals and all-nighters

Okay, what would your perfect home cinema experience be?

Frightfest 2010

Frightfest 2010 is an annual London horror film festival. It started really small but now it shows films in Leicester Square - this is where all the UK premieres happen and it's a bit of a film landmark in London.

I love Frightfest because even though it's a really small and perfectly-formed film festival, it's still managed to get away with hosting the UK premieres of Scary Movie (what a silly film!), Pitch Black (Vince Diesel almost seems to be able to act) and Audition (Japanese, slow build, terrifying). It’s also premiered Donnie Darko, Dark Water. Insomnia, One Hour Photo, My Little Eye, Battle Royal, Jeepers Creepers, Brotherhood of the Wolf, The Devil’s Backbone, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Cabin Fever, House of a 1000 Corpses, Bellboy, Switchblade Romance, Old Boy, Land of the Dead, 2001 Maniacs, Night Watch, Seed, Eden Lake, Freakdog, Wolf Creek, Autopsy and Martyrs.

This year, everyone is talking about MONSTERS, one of the Frightfest 2010 premieres. It's a sci-fi fable about the quarantining of Mexico due to a crashed NASA space probe full of alien organisms...

Low-budget movies show if a writer or director is really good because it's harder to paper over the cracks in the talent with bundles of money.

The director of MONSTERS did all the special effects on his laptop - and people are saying this horror film is amazing! The new JJ Abrams maybe? Perhaps the success of MONSTERS will mean the studios let Gareth Edwards do CLOVERFIELD 3? Who knows :)

Role Models - DVD review

Man cannot live by high culture alone. I like to laugh. Do you like to laugh? Oh, please say you do! I think it's allowed, isn't it? I'm fairly sure I'm allowed to deeply enjoy a comedy gem as much as I'm allowed to savour, say, a biopic of Truman Capote. If I wasn't allowed, I would probably have to start a movie-viewing revolution. I LIKE TO LAUGH, DAMMIT!

Sometimes a mainstream comedy movie comes along that is so well-scripted, engaging and witty that you find yourself recommending it to people, buying the DVD and pushing it into their hands, and refusing to talk to them until they come back with a headful of quotes that you can croon at each other in sing-song.

Sometimes you don't even know the people you're recommending the movie to. Sometimes they're coffee baristas and strangers on trains, puzzled by your altruistic attempts to push a DVD into their bag with your sticky little hands. Sometimes they're cops. Sometimes they're judges. Sometimes they're... you know, cell buddies.

Well, I haven't gone that far. Yet. But I'm definitely recommending this movie to YOU. Because it is funny. Yes, funny!

Oh, I do like a funny movie!

Role Models came out in 2008. It's a miss-matched buddy comedy about two good friends grinding along as soft drink reps. Wild behaviour caused by an emotional break-up leads to Wheeler (Seann William Scott) and Danny (Paul Rudd) being forced to enrol in a child mentor programme to stay out of jail. Sturdy Wings, is a child mentor scheme commandeered by an eccentric played by Jane Lynch (who essentially reprises her glorious performance as sports coach Sue Sylvester in GLEE. Although I think GLEE came after ROLE MODELS).

The children that Danny and Wheeler have been lumped with are a foul-mouthed firecracker (whose mother is training him to be a Proud Little Black Man) and an introverted virgin (Christopher Mintz-Plasse from KICK-ASS) who retains his sanity by waving a rubber sword at live roleplay events where the social politics are fictional yet fierce.

Will Danny and Wheeler resolve their status as no-hopers? Will they bond with their delinquent charges? Will everyone learn something about themselves by the end of the movie? Yes. Probably. But I'm not here to provide plot spoilers. It's not what happens in life, it's how you get there.

In terms of sharp script and engagement, ROLE MODELS is up there with MEAN GIRLS. And we all know what a wonderful job Tina Fey did with that!

So go on. Let me press a virtual copy of ROLE MODELS into your hands. Was the DVD cover a bit sticky? Sorry about that. It's just that I'm so excited.

And let me know what you thought of it. Perhaps we can croon at each other with quotes from our favourite moments...

Guillermo Del Toro - The Fairytale Man

When I think of Guillermo del Toro, I think of fairytales. Rather dark fairytales, but that's an oxymoron - I can't think of any fairytale that isn't.

Del Toro is renowned for juggling blockbusters with more personal projects, managing to get the moolah from one set of films and the critical acclaim from all things.

But I'm not here to talk about Del Toro's standing in the industry. If you've heard of him (and I'm sure you have) then his standing is assured.

I'm here to talk about fairytales.

No matter how much budget is splashed, the unnerving props and sets in Guillermo Del Toro's movies always look childlike and home-made. The dimensions are awry. The masks look like masks, like caricatures of masks. Everything feels like an old-fashioned prop, not like CGI. There is no 'slick' in a Guillermo Del Toro movie. There are curling tendrils, distorting faces, streaks of greasepaint, curling clawhands straight out of an SFX workshop - you can almost smell the glue holding them together.

Much as I enjoy them both, I'd go so far as to suggest that Guillermo Del Toro is James Cameron's opposite. Two brothers: One light, one dark.

But this hokery-pokery is absolutely what I love about a Guillermo Del Toro film. Fairytales are about primal fears and desires. And I like my primal served up primal, with a slab of primal on the side and a tall glass of primal to wash it down with.



Children's drawings are primal. They're also scratchy and curly and unpolished. Artist Arthur Rackham's fairies are delicately malevolent, odd little pills to swallow. The childlike in me wants mess and chaos and clutter and confusion. I want to FEEL my way through a darkly primal film, not be led there by a smooth neon arrow.

Pan's Labyrinth, or Hellboy: Creative artifice, clunky clockwork gadgetry, skittering little insects and robots... It doesn't look real. It looks like a dream you are willing to suspend disbelief for. That means you're willing to walk into a dream. How powerful is that?

I love the way that Del Torro's work reminds me fantastical silent movies by directors like Max Castle. Has he got a new way of seeing things? Or just a very, very old one?

I'd say he's got a dark, fairytale, old-fashioned approach to how he makes films look and feel.



That's why I'm intrigued to hear that Guillermo del Toro will be directing THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS.

For those who've not heard of this tale, it's a Chthulhu yarn by H.P.Lovecraft - a horror writer from the early 20th century who created fabulous monsters - ancient gods whose morals we couldn't fathom, whose dimensions and geometries our eyes couldn't understand.

When I think of Pan's Labyrinth, I'd say Del Toro will be perfectly suited, with his theatrical clutter and old-fashioned workings, to bringing impossible geometries to the big screen.

Especially since I hear MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS will be released in 3D...

Interviewing cast of THE TORMENT - and meeting FRODO'S MUM?!

I've been invited to the movie premiere of indpendent horror movie THE TORMENT next friday.

I'm also looking forward to interviewing the cast!

The premiere will be held in London's Prince Charles cinema. Nestling alongside London's Odeon, Empire and Vue flagship behemoths, the Prince Charles is well-known for its tireless support of independent cinema.

THE TORMENT belongs to the shaky-handcam school of cinematography. References to BLAIR WITCH, REC and PARANORMAL ACTIVITY are inevitable, as the plot follows our hero who tries to escape possession by fleeing from one friend's house to another - though the demonic force in question is attached to him, not the house.

THE TORMENT was renamed THE POSSESSION OF DAVID O'REILLY

EDIT: Have now interviewed the cast. Only a small dictophone but they passed it around like a talking stick and the interview turned into wonderful chat and silliness about the best secret recipes out there for making SFX blood.

Also, pop fact: One actress had a starring role in Doctor Who and the other actress has passed a couple of auditions now for The Hobbit and is truly in with a chance of being Frodo's mum! PS The staff at the Hobbit auditions seemed to take it as read that Peter Jackson was back on the case as director. Oh, hurrah!

Trajan is the movie font!

I ask you for one brief moment to consider movies from another angle - the design angle.

Did you know that one font gets used over and over for movie titles?

The font's name is TRAJAN. Speak of it in hushed tones...



So many elements in a movie are designed to manipulate the viewer in the most delicious ways...

Sound. The howling of violins in PSYCHO.
Colour. The prevalence of green clothing and props in THE MATRIX.
Immersive 3D: The swooping into vertigo-inducing drops in AVATAR.

So why not fonts?

TRAJAN was designed to epitomise the feeling of a Roman Epic Movie. Then it just symbolised Epic Movie. Finally, as the hilarious video shows, it just meant Movie...

Food for thought, that even a font could make a difference to how you feel about a film!

UK Film Council scrapped

A while back I wrote an article about how there were so many great British movies in the last decade that managed to tick all the boxes: Plot, acting, cinematography, box office.

That could all be set to change because the UK Film Council is being scrapped by the Government. Dagnabbit.

I think this could spell really bad news for the British Film Industry. It's not impossible to consistently make great films without funding - but the money and the backing does really help.

Britain has seen so many great directors crop up in the last few years. Some of my favourites are:

Danny Boyle (28 Days Later, Sunshine, Slumdog Millionaire)
Neil Marshall (Dog Soldiers, The Descent)
Duncan Jones (Moon)
Guy Ritchie (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, Sherlock Holmes)

These guys all cut their teeth on small projects where they did their best with the funding they had.

There'll still be a dribble of funding for British films from the National Lottery and the like... but with the UK Film Council to be disbanded, I worry that the sunshine days for up and coming Brit film-makers will be over.

It was a nice day until I heard this news. Now it is a sad day.

Please sign this Save the UK Film Council petition if you feel sad too.

Haiku Movie Reviews - Bladerunner and Bill & Ted

I think I might just have invented something - movie review haikus. They do say it's harder to write less than it is to write more. Maybe this will sharpen my film critic skills.

There are a million rules to haiku and many of them contradict each other; I've gone for a 3 line haiku with 5, then 7, then 5 syllables per line.

My two haikus below (BLADERUNNER and BILL AND TED) are beyond terrible. I'm honestly very sorry.

LINKBACKALOOZA

If you comment with your own haiku, I'll be delighted to add it to the list with a link back to your blog. Anything to take the onus off mine...

BILL AND TED'S GREATEST ADVENTURE

Dude, if you can't chill
you'll never hang with old dead
greek guys. Excellent!

BLADERUNNER

Old grey kippled world.
Small men take on industry.
Yes... but are they men?

I do like a good knees-up. It's the Carnival of Cinema...

Come one and all... you are welcome to revel in the Carnival of Cinema from the nice folk at Good News Film Reviews.

Everyone is talking about INCEPTION, Nolan's latest yarn. But it's not all about Hollywood. They also cover ROAD MOVIE, the NORMAN K. COLLINS documentary and other good things.

Even TWILIGHT ECLIPSE gets a mention, which is great, because it's nice to see such an underexposed movie get a little affection :)